The anticipation came and went. I even went to the other coast (LA) to celebrate my best friend’s fortieth.
I was on a huge emotional high the week of my birthday. I was returning from an amazing time in LA, my husband took me to our favorite restaurant, it was a very romantic evening and some very dear friends threw me a wonderful, meaningful surprise birthday dinner.BUT now I am left to ponder.
I am told I do not look forty, I do not even know what the means… though I guess that is supposed to make me feel good. Today, I am forty and five days old, there are a lot of things I am now feeling now that the party festivities have ceased.
I probably will never have another baby again, I question constantly what this new phase brings? I sweated through my mammogram a month ago.
I even felt a bit more pressure to work out more and maybe even go to pilates twice a week. I also am wondering if I am doing everything I can to raise my children with every opportunity possible? I am feeling that I now have to be an extraordinary responsible mother, wife and women in society; even more than before (oh my poor children!).
I am sure I will stop thinking so much about the number, but for now the number FORTY means something… my next phase in life. In some ways I feel comforted that I am not in my twenties trying to figure out who I am because at least now I know who I am what I don’t want, maybe as women get older we figure out how to go after what we want and we know how to find a little peace within ourselves.
