I think it is very hard as a woman to have a relationship with their mom that is not always consistent nor reliable. My mother has been living with Multiple Sclerosis since I was 22 years old. Hers unfortunately is the “progressive type”. While I write this I must tell you that we were always very close growing up, but as in any mother daughter relationship we had our battles too.
Since she has been diagnosed, she has had many close calls of not pulling through extremely bad spells. She is in a wheel chair and has to have an aid most of the day. I in turn at a very young age have become the “mother” in our relationship. I used to wonder if she would ever see me get married? She did. She even saw my brother get married (he is four years younger) and than I thought she will never see me have children, she has! I feel very fortunate that she has been able to see all of these very monumental occasions in my life, especially since some women my age have already lost a parent.
We are not as close as we used to be, it is very hard since I have two daughters myself, and I think the reason for this is that I have become the care taker in many ways and I don’t want that job. Just like when both of my babies were born I wanted her to be at the hospital with me. I wanted her to be waiting in the recovery room for me and her brand new granddaughter,. Instead we called her with the news and the next question was always and is always ,”When can I see them / you”? Yes, there is anger, sadness and a host of other emotions when a parent suffers such a long term diabliting disease. I at times even get jealous that some of my friend’s moms come to see them. They go to theatre. They get on the floor and play with their grandchildren. It is a job for my mom even to feed herself and getting her in and out of the car is a marathon.
I often wonder when will I get the phone call that her journey is over. I think I will not be shocked, but I am sure I will be a terrible mess. She is my mom and now that I am a mom, it hurts more and than at the same time I do have some peace. She has seen and been able to play with her own granddaughters in her “own” way. is it the way I pictured when I was a very young women when I thought about having children one day?
Absolutely not,but no one has a crystal ball and life throws a lot of curve balls. This is her journey and her body will do what it will. I could never imagine how she must feel that she can’t lift her arm and to rely on someone else to do the simplest things. I just know that I have learned to show a lot of empathy and compassion. I still get pissed off somedays too and she does too! Whereas my very young daughters are very pragmatic about their Nana. My 6year old said to me , “Momma, Nana’s leg are never going to work are they”? I grabbed her and hugged her so tight and said , “No, baby they are not”. And than she said ,”That’s what she needs our help.”.
My must have must do list:
Check out THREE TARTS Bakery and Boutique- what a treat from fudge to coffee to beautiful home goods.
164 Ninth Ave. NYC, NY 10011
212-462-4392/ www.threetarts.com
I am loving the new “boyfriend jeans”- They are sexy, cool and a great spring/ summer look. Go to CPW 495 Amsterdam Ave.
Corner of 84th Street. NYC 212-579-3737.
Havaianas flip-flops now come for little ones with an ankle strap to keep them on!. They can be found at Gigle (120 Wooster St.NYC, NY) or Gigle.com $18.00
If you have any Spring/ Summer Style questions like where to get the latest must have scarfs for the season, even on the cheap, where to find a summer vintage dress or where to find latest
designers . E-mail Deana at : tuckerprods@nyc.rr.com
