The anticipation came and went. I even went to the other coast (LA) to celebrate my best friend’s fortieth.
I was on a huge emotional high the week of my birthday. I was returning from an amazing time in LA, my husband took me to our favorite restaurant, it was a very romantic evening and some very dear friends threw me a wonderful, meaningful surprise birthday dinner.BUT now I am left to ponder.

I am told I do not look forty, I do not even know what the means… though I guess that is supposed to make me feel good. Today, I am forty and five days old, there are a lot of things I am now feeling now that the party festivities have ceased.

I probably will never have another baby again, I question constantly what this new phase brings? I sweated through my mammogram a month ago.
I even felt a bit more pressure to work out more and maybe even go to pilates twice a week. I also am wondering if I am doing everything I can to raise my children with every opportunity possible? I am feeling that I now have to be an extraordinary responsible mother, wife and women in society; even more than before (oh my poor children!).

I am sure I will stop thinking so much about the number, but for now the number FORTY means something… my next phase in life. In some ways I feel comforted that I am not in my twenties trying to figure out who I am because at least now I know who I am what I don’t want, maybe as women get older we figure out how to go after what we want and we know how to find a little peace within ourselves.

For some reason this fall I was not that nervous for my 6 years old’s start of first grade.
This should have been a warning sign right than and there.
We are now two and a half months into school and she has already had a fight YES a
fight with hands and feet with a “friend of hers. We have hired a tutor because she
“seems” frustrated while reading and just last Thursday I have found my husband and I
meeting with her teachers about another social mishap between her and another little girl.
I was rest assured that this is NORMAL behavior(even the reading) Children are
exploring their limits and where they fit in at this age. I said to her teachers,” I don’t
understand what is going on”. She has never had a problem getting along wit others and
up until 3 weeks ago. She has always been praised for having lovely manners too.
I also wonder why EVERY night I am sitting at her round table in her bedroom praying
she gets through all of her reading homework without wiggling off the chair and leaping
off of her chair to cuddle with the cat.I am getting a lesson in EXTREME patience and I
am waking up with pimples again. I am stressed. I try to remind myself that this journey
this is her path, easier said than done, especially since she is only in first grade.
We also started piano this year. This may not have been the smartest scheduling idea I
have ever had. I truly was not prepared for all of the expectations of first grade along with
the lack of “fun and playtime” as she says that goes on in the classroom.
SO this Thanksgiving I will just be greatful that June is only 7 months away(I have to
keep telling myself that) . Hopefully this year’s expereinces will teach me how to be
better prepared for my younger child when she enters the first grade; and just maybe I can
avoid getting pimples and anxiety the next time around!

My Must Have’s and My Must Do’s
For Daddy and Hubby this holiday season: Ray-Ban Caravan Sunglasses $119.00 at
J.CREW.COM
For your holiday SPARKLE layer any two JCrew Necklaces, I love Glimmergold
Crystal for $98.00 layered with The Infinity Necklace $125.00 . Go to
J.CREW.COM to order.

New Music: I just worked with this incredible new artist: Danielia Cotton
Her voice is a mix of sultry , folk, and no-nonsense rock and roll. Go to http://www.danielia.com to hear and purchase her new CD. One of my favorite tracks is entitled “Rare Child”. Also take a peek at the new pod casts I directed and produced on her site!
http://www.danielia.com
http://www.myspace.com/danieliacotton

I think it is very hard as a woman to have a relationship with their mom that is not always consistent nor reliable. My mother has been living with Multiple Sclerosis since I was 22 years old. Hers unfortunately is the “progressive type”. While I write this I must tell you that we were always very close growing up, but as in any mother daughter relationship we had our battles too.

Since she has been diagnosed, she has had many close calls of not pulling through extremely bad spells. She is in a wheel chair and has to have an aid most of the day. I in turn at a very young age have become the “mother” in our relationship. I used to wonder if she would ever see me get married? She did. She even saw my brother get married (he is four years younger) and than I thought she will never see me have children, she has! I feel very fortunate that she has been able to see all of these very monumental occasions in my life, especially since some women my age have already lost a parent.

We are not as close as we used to be, it is very hard since I have two daughters myself, and I think the reason for this is that I have become the care taker in many ways and I don’t want that job. Just like when both of my babies were born I wanted her to be at the hospital with me. I wanted her to be waiting in the recovery room for me and her brand new granddaughter,. Instead we called her with the news and the next question was always and is always ,”When can I see them / you”? Yes, there is anger, sadness and a host of other emotions when a parent suffers such a long term diabliting disease. I at times even get jealous that some of my friend’s moms come to see them. They go to theatre. They get on the floor and play with their grandchildren. It is a job for my mom even to feed herself and getting her in and out of the car is a marathon.

I often wonder when will I get the phone call that her journey is over. I think I will not be shocked, but I am sure I will be a terrible mess. She is my mom and now that I am a mom, it hurts more and than at the same time I do have some peace. She has seen and been able to play with her own granddaughters in her “own” way. is it the way I pictured when I was a very young women when I thought about having children one day?

Absolutely not,but no one has a crystal ball and life throws a lot of curve balls. This is her journey and her body will do what it will. I could never imagine how she must feel that she can’t lift her arm and to rely on someone else to do the simplest things. I just know that I have learned to show a lot of empathy and compassion. I still get pissed off somedays too and she does too! Whereas my very young daughters are very pragmatic about their Nana. My 6year old said to me , “Momma, Nana’s leg are never going to work are they”? I grabbed her and hugged her so tight and said , “No, baby they are not”. And than she said ,”That’s what she needs our help.”.

My must have must do list:

Check out THREE TARTS Bakery and Boutique- what a treat from fudge to coffee to beautiful home goods.
164 Ninth Ave. NYC, NY 10011
212-462-4392/ www.threetarts.com

I am loving the new “boyfriend jeans”- They are sexy, cool and a great spring/ summer look. Go to CPW 495 Amsterdam Ave.
Corner of 84th Street. NYC 212-579-3737.

Havaianas flip-flops now come for little ones with an ankle strap to keep them on!. They can be found at Gigle (120 Wooster St.NYC, NY) or Gigle.com $18.00

If you have any Spring/ Summer Style questions like where to get the latest must have scarfs for the season, even on the cheap, where to find a summer vintage dress or where to find latest
designers . E-mail Deana at : tuckerprods@nyc.rr.com

At The Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards

When the stars hit the “orange carpet” Saturday to celebrate the 22nd Annual Kids’ Choice Awards, The Children’s Place was on the scene. While Dwayne Johnson hosted and The Jonas Brothers performed, celebrities flocked backstage to The Children’s Place lounge.

Everyone who stopped by scored a The Children’s Place t-shirt—the perfect basic for any outfit. Stars also stopped by The Children’s Place craft stations to decorate their own The Children’s Place messenger bags, which will be auctioned off to benefit the Books for Kids Foundation. Celebrities like Paula Abdul, Chace Crawford and David Archuleta took a break backstage to design messenger bags for the cause.

Founded to promote literacy among all children with a special emphasis on low-income and at-risk preschool-aged children, Books for Kids creates libraries, donates books, and partners with literacy programs to develop the critical early foundation and skills which young children need to be successful in life. Since its founding in 1986, the Books for Kids Foundation has provided children with more than 5 million books, created 56 libraries and provided literacy programs in many of these locations.

The celebrity-designed messenger bags will be auctioned April 14th-24th, with all proceeds going toward fostering literacy through the Books For Kids Foundation.

Please visit www.ebay.com/thechildrensplace to place your bid.

The Children’s Place carries favorite head-to-toe looks for boys and girls, sized newborn to 14. Offering everything from casual basics to comfortable dress wear, The Children’s Place has all the mix ‘n match styles kids love. With must-have fashions made of quality materials all at an unmatched value, The Children’s Place makes shopping fun for everyone. Visit the online store @ childrensplace.com or shop any of the 900+ stores throughout the United States, Canada, and Puerto Rico.

Times are tough right now and I know everyone is feeling it one way or another. I have
been speaking to some friends of mine and have decided to compile some easy tips on
how to live a bit more stress free and feel a bit more in control.
Let’s first take care of your mind and body: Hilary Bergmann, owner of the Mindful Body
in San Francisco, CA gives a few tips to stay centered: Take some time out for yourself
to take a yoga class or get a massage so you can have some “quietude”; to refresh and
ground yourself before you return to your busy life.If you don’t have time for a yoga
class or massage, yoga can be incorporated for short moments into day to day life. Give
yourself the gift of time—take ‘Savasana”(corpse pose) for 5 minutes. Savasana is a
relaxing posture intended to rejuvenate one’s body, mind and spirit. Also doing child’s
pose between two busy errands is a great way to stretch out the body and release tension.
If you let your body have a moment of rest it will help you be restored to face the day and
be more present for the people in your life (like your family!) .

Here are some helpful ways to help budget your purse from Nichole Kim, Principal at
Cadence Capital Group. When shopping use the 10X rule. Will I wear that outfit at
least ten times this year? If so, you can divide the cost of the new outfit by the number of
times you will wear the outfit. This is merely “depreciating” your clothes. For trendy
pieces,use the 5 X rule. Again, divide the total cost of the clothing by 5 and if that
amount is not within your budget, you don’t buy it. Basically, you want to spend more
money on classic pieces that you can wear for several seasons rather than spend money
on seasonal trendy pieces that you will wear a few times and than collect in your already
crowded closet.
Before leaving your house, look through your closet and write down items of clothing
you NEED. For examples, you bought a cute blouse on sale, but you can not find a pair
of pants or skirt you think would go with that cute blouse. You want to shop focusing on
those items you absolutely need to complete an outfit. Do not buy an item unless you can
match it with something you already have in your closet.We all know that random
purchases will just sit in your closet.
I hope these tips have helped you feel a bit more in control during some very out of
control times.

Here are my must have must do’s for the week :
Styling, Style(and on a budget too) you can ALSO make money, you can e-mail me
DEANA at tuckerprods@nyc.rr.com to go through your closet and take you shopping.
We work on a budget too.. I believe in buying a few great pieces that will last many
seasons, If you have high end pieces currently in your closet that you are no longer
wearing please e-mail my friend Elizabeth at Century Mom- Centurymom@me.com
or call her (917-399-7894). Elizabeth will sell them for you and you’ll received 60% of the
net sale.

Shave Crave Pump($24.00) by Wish Body Products- I love these products. This shaving cream goes beyond the ordinary shave cream. It is formulated
specifically for women. It leaves the skin rejuvenated and conditioned after shaving.
They can be found at Lord &Taylor, STUDIO at Fred Segal, Select Dillard’s locations or
www.wishbody.com .
Checkout Gap Body great Camisoles($29.50) and hipsters($9.00) www.gap.com

I was reminded once again how hard and beautiful it is to be a woman the other day. I was at my annual mammogram appointment where I saw two friends sitting close together, they were both working mothers too. One friend was there as support to the other. I actually struck up a conversation with them partially to contain my own nerves. They were so warm and sweet to me, it was like we were all cheering each other on. This just really pointed out to me that YES we DO do it all and are expected to do it all. We constantly question ourselves. Are we doing enough? How can we do better? Isn’t funny that we question how we are doing and what we are doing while being so damn exhausted most of the time.

There are so many double standards out there when it comes to men and woman. If a woman gets divorces they worry how am I going to date, I am not as young as I used to be, maybe time has not been so kind to the ole’ face(yes she can visit the dermatologist for a number of youth treatments), but why should we? To look like a 25 year old. You know what, I emotionally would never want to be a 25 year old again. I doubt very much men fret over the wrinkles in their face or if their “tush” is not as small as it used to be.Woman tend to be a lot more forgiving if a man is overweight or no longer has hair. I don’t think most men are not that open minded when it comes to a woman’s appearance.

I am just saying I hate the fact that there is so much social pressure on women to do it all. The other morning while rushing to catch the bus for school I had a breakdown trying to get on my snow boots along with my daughter. I had been up at 5:00 AM to go to the gym, I had to prepare that day for a video shoot I was directing, I had to deal with our year end taxes, pick up new ballet shoes for my eldest and finally send out invitations for my 2 year class cocktail party. As all these thoughts of “to dos” were running through my head I was still struggling to get my boot on. ALL of a sudden my husband looks at me while he is staring at himself in the mirror getting ready for work, “Do I look ok”? Maybe I should wear the brown sweater instead of this navy one? I looked up sweating since I had my winter garb on and replied, “Yeah, sure”. The tears started to flow down my face. I had been pushed to my limit. I could care less about his fashion dilemma. He barely noticed I was even upset at that moment. He has many great qualities but I do not even think he know what the term multi-task means.

I get so overwhelmed at times I feel like I am going to explode. I just thank goodness for my amazing girlfriends because I know that they too feel the same way at times. SO ladies, we are blessed even when nothing on our to do list gets crossed off to have each other.

My must have Must do list:

Valentine’s Day gifts for your little sweeties: These affordable tees from Children’s Place (www.childrensplace.com) are adorned with red hearts and the words “Love” or “My Sweet” on them. Also check out their Sleepwear “Love Monkey” pajamas, slippers. Other pj styles include long-sleeve heart nightgowns.

Here is a little winter glam pick me up for your chilly evenings out:
(JCrew.com) Satin Clutch.I love the “jewel” on the these purses. $98.00

Red Salam Teapot. This is a French Classic teapot made since 1953. Perfect for
Valentines Day and just a beautiful piece to have sitting on your stove. williams-sonoma.com

Maybe I need a new “project” in my life? But have you ever looked at your growing child and really yearned for them to be a baby again? Or wanted to have another baby because your youngest is getting older?

My two year 11 month old child really pulls my heart strings.. She says everything from, “mom you look beautiful” to “that was a bad dinner.” Today she told me,” lay down momma, I give you a massage”. She even puts herself in her own “time outs”. I never thought I would say this, but I want her to still be a baby. I am actually one of these “crazy” mums that misses the baby stage.

I think the in between stage can be a very hard stage (one of the many) for mums. We love to see our children grow and become independent because that also validates that we are doing a good job as parent. I can’t help but wonder though should we as mums be growing with them? Do we need to move onto the next phase in our lives?

I never want to be one of those women that is left behind whether it is as a mum, in my career, or just in my personal sense of everyday life. Change and growth is hard at any age- no wonder why children throw tantrums when they are frustrated. I just wish there was some way to savor each stage of parenting and the time did not go by so quickly. Even the tough stages eventually end. For me, having a second child, helped me to realize this. Perhaps this is why I am hanging onto every “last baby moment”, like my toddler’s very chubby checks.

Send me pictures of special moments in your child’s development to our flickr account at modernmums…we can all cry together.

This year has been a year of transition and of getting accustomed to being uncomfortable.. for most of this year I have found myself thinking, “ok, what is next. I do believe some of my feelings definitely had to do with the uncertainty of our country. I feel like we are all waiting for President elect Obama to step in and to start digging us out of such a troubled place.

I have been used to working almost every day, handing off my errand and my basic “to do list” to my nanny. I would panic inside if my list was not all checked off. Guess what?I did not work as much this year, I worked on being a mom and being at peace with it… the over achiever in me has learned to let go a bit..

While I was making cookies last night for my older daughter’s teachers I felt grateful that I really have been able to spend more time with both of my girls. I even got a paint stain out of one of their leggings last evening too, I know to many mums who are reading this who may think, “so what is the big deal? Well for me, my self worth was always wrapped up in my career and my latest and biggest client. Being at home a bit more can be just as stressful to someone like me as being in the office. I not only survived, I have learned a great deal about what makes me tick.

I have certainly not lost my ambition, but I have learned from the economic ‘crisis” that I can be a more fulfilled woman by listening to the many aspects of what makes me ME. I have to thank my family and ME for helping me to realize that a paycheck or even a full-time job is not the measure of my worth..

I wish everyone a very happy, healthy and PEACEFUL NEWYEAR. I look forward to sharing more “dishes” with you next year.

Here is my Must Have Must Do List.. I have saved my favorites for my last entry of the year:

We all know how much I love home décor, you must not only check out madisonandgrow.com wall coverings, you must choose one of their amazing, beautiful designs and wallpaper your bathroom, child’s room, living room with it. It is so glamorous!! Why I rave about madison and grow is that all the papers are crafted with the utmost care and they are ECO-FRIENDLY

My love of the year for new clothing designers: Carol Pratt’s collection Shosh. She works with wools, leather, linens ,cottons, silks and bamboo in a style reaching urban elegance. Depending who is wrapped in it, it’s either messy chic or it’s edgy. For additional information or to look at her collection contact Carol at: Shosh131@aol.com . Below are just some examples of her amazing collection.

As a MOM, do you ever have a bit of an identity crisis? Where do you fit in? What do you seem to stand for?

Last week, an old friend of mine from my days working at MTV e-mailed me, saying he was in from LA, and his buddies were having lunch at the Spotted Pig downtown and would I come meet them. When I received this e-mail, I was dropping my daughter off at school. I looked around at the “other” moms and wondered who in this grou would even consider lunching at the Spotted pig with some ‘rock n’ roll MTV boys.

it would be great to see my friend, show him pictures of the girls and maybe even net-work with his buddies in the business. But…it was way downtown, there were 20 other things I should be doing….I am a mother of two and have an endless list of things required of me. Next thing I knew, I saw a cab with its lights on. I told the driver,” West 4th street, please, to the Spotted Pig.

By the time I arrived, my friends were on their second bottle of wine. What was I doing there? I I am a mom, I should not be downtown for lunch at a place called The Spotted Pig, having a glass of wine. But very quickly I realized that it is OK to brake out of my routine once in a while. Maybe not the wine at lunch, but certainly the break from the usual rat-race of juggling a career and children.
We talked about everything from business to the presidency. I never had to lean over and pick up a binky off the ground or clean up spilled apple juice. I got to finish my sentences and I didn’t have food on my lap.

I laughed and really felt quite accomplished by the time I left the restaurant. The guys were shocked that I was a mother of two and still working in the production world.

The point of this vignette is to remind us all that guilt is not a productive emotion- that taking a minute( or a lunch) every once in while that isn’t entirely necessary is a good way to rejuvenate especially when there is so much doom and gloom right now.

While I watch Rachel Maddow every night and than flip back to CNN I think to myself, this election process has become completely out of control…

• terrorists accusations,
• Palin spending $150,000 on outfits
• robocalling.

I will tell you right now who I am voting for Barack(I am not writing this to convince readers to vote on one specific candidate or another either ).. and I will also tell you that out of all of the Republicans I used to think John McCaine was at least worth listening to because he really was a maverick of sorts.

NOW I no longer feel that way for many reasons but the ones I think its worth talking about here have to do with the future of my children. My two daughters, ages 5 and 2 years actually know who Barack is and also wear his button on their knapsacks.

They have been following the election and have their own little Barack chant. I do not expect that all five year olds and especially two year olds are interested in politics, but in our family it happens to be regular banter. So I was horrified and frightened the other day when My 5 year old had a play date with one of her classmates and we were on the bus going back to our house. Her friend pointed to my daughter’s Barack Obama Button and said, “ I am going to vote for McCain because he has white skin and Brack has brown skin”. I wanted to jump out of the bus, I was so embarrassed and mortified.

Once the playdate had concluded, I simply took my daughter aside and mentionned the scenario on the bus to her and she looked a bit confused. I said to my daughter,” in our family we make our decisions about who is most qualified for a job not by what a person looks like, but by how well they are trained , what they stand for, how they have been educated.

Did she truly understand what I was really saying? I don’t know but what I do know is that she knew in the depths of her little 5 year old body that her little friend was wrong not on her political choice but on her reasoning.

I write this article not because I am a registered Democrat and not because my choice of candidate happens to be Barack, I write it because it just shows in this day in age, prejudice still exists and parents continue to pass their own prejudices down to their children, consciously or unconsciously.

I hope with all my heart that our children one day canreally BELIEVE without pretense that anyone
is eligible to do any job they are qualified for, regardless of race, color or creed- as the saying goes….

The Dish’s to do list:
Pick up An Absolute Scandal by British best selling author ,Penny Vincenzi. I can’t put this book down, The characters are flawed, fascinating and sexy! It is a perfect book for today’s economic climate.(located at Barnes and Noble)
Stay warm Missoni Scarfs,- chic and bohemian. You can get them at Searle or if you are lucky head to Filene’s Basement where they have some for cheaper.
Check out a friend’s new site (environmentally friendly) let’s all help to save our planet!
showthelove.com